14 February 2013

The Blicans of the Deep Distortion Quadrant

The Blicans are a human-like species from an asymmetric planet in the Big Baby galaxy located in the Deep Distortion quadrant of space.

Pre-Pubescent and Post-Pubescent Blican Males
Extra-terrestrial anthropologists posit that this orange-tinted species habitually perceives the ills, calamities, and human tragedies of the past through rose-tinted contacts lenses.

By all accounts, Blican males believe
  • The future has no hope;
  • The present is the past;
  • Back is forward; and
  • Old is new.
We know little of what Blican females believe except for shaken, not stirred. The female of the species is sequestered in the home where she stands by the door with a shaken, not stirred martini at the ready awaiting the eventual return her mate.

All Blicans regardless of gender are characterized by pathological distrust of anything unlike them. The fossil record of their wobbly planet indicates that The Blicans are un-common. That is, they are:
  • averse to common perception;
  • repelled by common sense, and 
  • deaf, dumb, and blind to the common good.

And if that isn't vexing enough, there's evidence that Blican males are living among us here on earth. In the United States Congress for example:
  1. If The President calls for sunny skies, Blican males immediately hold a press conference calling for rain.
  2. If The President counters their opposition to sunny skies by calling for liquid sunshine, Blican males invoke the filibuster.

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