Chickens Shouldn't Trust The Colonel

The clutch of candidates vying for the Republican Presidential nomination consists of an unprecedented collection of ninnies, halfwits, clowns, and ethically-challenged blowhards.

Since my post GOP Carved Like Sunday Roast, there has been an eye-popping number of gaffs, misstatements, consensual and non-consensual sexual allegations, demonstrations of laughably feeble grasp of public policy, and economic plans bereft of wisdom or logic.

Are all the Republican Presidential hopefuls vying for a Fox News gig? Seems like it.

Are all the Republican Presidential hopefuls enriching themselves via crass self-promotion and the free media coverage of reality-TV-show debates? Seems like it.

Newt-Mentum

After stumbling out of the gate like a shiftless plow horse, The Prince of Puffery Newt Gingrich finds himself, incredibly, neck and neck with the leaders of the lesser of the evils in the Evangelical Exacta.

That Newt Gingrich is relevant in 2012 shows Republicans summarily ignore inconvenient history just as readily as they ignore inconvenient science (see climate change).

Newt-Sanction

Eighty-four ethics charges were filed against Newt Gingrich during his term as Speaker of the House in the 90s. In 1997 the House voted overwhelmingly to sanction Speaker Gingrich.

The House ordered the ethically-challenged Newtster to pony up an unprecedented $300,000 penalty -- the first time in the House's 208-year history it disciplined a speaker for ethical violations. The House Ethics Committee said false information given in Gingrich's defense displayed "intentional or... reckless" disregard for House rules.

Newt-Po-Crite (The Pompous Gas-Bag)

Newt Gingrich is a serial hypocrite. A cursory study of his record shows he's a flip-flopper, consummate beltway insider, corrupt Washington lobbyist, and a profoundly self-absorbed blow-hard.

Gingrich is not a politician with an overbearing super-sized ego, rather he's an overbearing super-sized ego -- disguised as a politician.

I saw Newt today talking about how -- "Well, I didn`t lobby because I get 60,000 dollars a speech." And it`s like, boy, you are a pompous gas-bag.
~ Joan Walsh

The Prince of Puffery's sense of majestic grandiosity often passes for deep thinking particularly when side-by-side compared to:

• a dim bulb like Mitt Romney, or
• a scurrilous reality-TV show adonis like Herman Cain, or
• a dogmatic, hate-filled ninny like Michele Bachmann, or
• a non-inquisitive, Texas pretty-boy like Rick Perry.

It's impossible to lower the bar.

Laughable GOP

In Skewering Republican Insanity Oh So “Nicely”, the humorist who tweets under the pseudonym Pete Nicely, was asked what makes the GOP so damn laughable? He said, succinctly:

They think with their Kochs and lead with their Boehner.

It is incomprehensible that any of the Republican Presidential hopefuls have a measurable following.

I’m trying to tell the chickens not to trust the Colonel. But the Colonel has lots of guys who spread chicken feed and tell the chickens how they’ll be the Colonel one day—if they just give up their Medicare and step into the extra-crispy batter.
~ Pete Nicely, a.k.a. @LOLGOP

How do well-meaning people consistently buy into the fact-challenged drivel of politicians who support people-unfriendly policies?